Friday the 18th May came and I was now exactly 24 weeks pregnant. I'd had my scan that morning at around 9:00 and again, everything was stable. I felt so proud of her, so proud to be the mummy of this strong little human. We text our families the good news and they replied with relieved messages. Every week that passed was another hurdle that we had all overcome. Ian and I had started to live a little again, we had begun to relax. We arrived home from the scan and Ian headed out on his bike for the first time in months. Within half an hour of arriving home I noticed that I was leaking pink fluid. I phoned the community midwives and after a bit of going back and forth, I got a phone call from the delivery suite at my local hospital asking me to attend. I phoned Ian and told him what had happened and he drove me to the hospital. We joked saying the baby didn't want him to be getting on that bike. I began to think this was all a bit of an overreaction, it was just a little bit of fluid, nothing major. It wasn't like what you see on the TV when a lady's stood in a puddle in the middle of a supermarket screaming that her baby's coming.
We arrived at the delivery suite. All I could think was why was I here? This was for where women gave birth to their babies. My baby couldn't come now. She was only 24 weeks. I'd had it drummed into my skull by the Prof at Newcastle that my baby wasn't viable until at least 28 weeks and that there was zero percent chance of survival if she was born now. The dread and the anguish that had become so familiar began to wash over me again as I felt the reality of the situation hit.
The staff were lovely, the midwife that I had seen earlier that day at my scan came up to the ward to give me a hug and to wish me well. The Registrar came in and examined me and my worst fears were confirmed. At only 24 weeks, my waters had broken. I knew how bad this was. I cried tears like I've never cried before, tears of overwhelming sorrow. Even writing this now makes my heart physically ache as I recall the trauma of hearing them tell me this news. A Consultant then entered the room and explained to me that I was to be transferred to Newcastle by ambulance. The paramedics and an escort midwife arrived and we made the now familiar journey up the North East. I was sick with motion sickness and anxiety en route, I just wanted to shut my eyes and block it all out. The paramedic however had other ideas; she chattered at me the whole way about her pregnant daughter and her baby grandson, showing my pictures of him when he was born. It is only now that I realise that I have been far too polite to people over the last 16 weeks.
We arrived at the delivery suite. All I could think was why was I here? This was for where women gave birth to their babies. My baby couldn't come now. She was only 24 weeks. I'd had it drummed into my skull by the Prof at Newcastle that my baby wasn't viable until at least 28 weeks and that there was zero percent chance of survival if she was born now. The dread and the anguish that had become so familiar began to wash over me again as I felt the reality of the situation hit.
The staff were lovely, the midwife that I had seen earlier that day at my scan came up to the ward to give me a hug and to wish me well. The Registrar came in and examined me and my worst fears were confirmed. At only 24 weeks, my waters had broken. I knew how bad this was. I cried tears like I've never cried before, tears of overwhelming sorrow. Even writing this now makes my heart physically ache as I recall the trauma of hearing them tell me this news. A Consultant then entered the room and explained to me that I was to be transferred to Newcastle by ambulance. The paramedics and an escort midwife arrived and we made the now familiar journey up the North East. I was sick with motion sickness and anxiety en route, I just wanted to shut my eyes and block it all out. The paramedic however had other ideas; she chattered at me the whole way about her pregnant daughter and her baby grandson, showing my pictures of him when he was born. It is only now that I realise that I have been far too polite to people over the last 16 weeks.
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